I’ve spent the last couple of months wrestling with one simple question:
How do I get started again?
I’ve been stalled creatively ever since the pandemic hit and have been unable to get much in the way of writing done. A good friend has passed it off as yet another COVID-19 issue but I’ve been already housebound for the last year or so isolation is old news and I doubt there is a connection. If anything shelter-in-place has been pleasant as it has given me more with my Beautiful Saxon Princess than usually is the case.
Granted, I have a lot going on:
- The spondylitis has gone into the next phase/level/whatever which translates to elevated pain levels – just walking has become much more difficult
- We’re collectively trying to lose weight, not for cosmetic reasons but for the simple fact that all my other medications aren’t very effective. The less I carry around the less pain I have to deal with.
- With sixty-seven years behind me it is a whole hell of a lot harder getting fired up to do anything, especially with the political chaos that surrounds us.
There are some people who would consider my life to be heaven – to be able to just sit around and watch videos all day long – but for me it is a living hell. I’m one of those frustrating people who actually likes to work. I miss the burn I would get after walking for miles and (to quote Tom Bodett) I miss the way my hands would ache after swinging a hammer all day long.
“I WILL NOT QUIT” is still my war cry but at times it sounds hollow. My first task will be internalizing the fact that getting back up to speed is not going to be a rapid process, which brings me full circle to a creative project of mine dating from this time in 1989. It was one of my first efforts combininb 100% brushwork and the “long/skinny format” and I dubbed it “Getting Started” as it captured the essence of the frustration I felt at the onset of just about every painting I’ve ever made
.…which is what I am feeling with life in general right now