(I try to keep to a schedule with this blog: new material is posted on Tuesdays, visual art is posted on Thursdays and re-runs show up on Saturday morning…which means something like this should be published on this next Tuesday the 19th. However, given the content of todays repeat it seemed more appropriate to run this today as well.)
This last week has been a little odd.
Granted, life is always a bit different when illness is involved – and I have definitely been sick for the last couple of weeks. Three times a year I develop an upper respiratory infection with a cough that keeps me from both working and resting until the illness has run its course. I’ve had both the flu shot AND the pneumonia shot, and I am regularly dosed with antihistamines, antibiotics, steroids and vitamins, but in the end, I have to just ride it out and cough until I don’t cough anymore.
Another pattern played out at the same time. Other than teaching at the college, going the church or visiting the firing range I spend a lot of time alone in my studio here at the house. While there are times I’ve had buddies that would regularly stop by and visit I am kind of in a friend-famine right now so other than my Beautiful Saxon Princess I am on my own.
The situation makes me kind of sad, but it does motivate me to reach out to others in the same situation, so I spent a lot of time this last week trying to get in touch with old friends. Most of my answers involved voice mail but this time I found another disturbing trend – more and more calls were met with “….the number you called has been discontinued or is no longer in service”. Granted with the constant battle between cell phone providers people tend to change numbers much more often than they change their underwear, but the sad truth was a lot of those people I tried to call are dead.
Dead. Four letters that just slap you in the face.
Even the most faithful will duck and dodge the topic of death and I confess that quite often I energetically shove it to the corner of mind…which is why it is very odd that in the last week I’ve inadvertently tried to call:
- Bonnie Gamage
- John Prowse
- Sandy McDade
- Janice Young
- Bernie Koebbe
- Richard Bird
- ….and my mom
All of these people have passed one – some a number of years ago. When I first tumbled what I was doing I assumed that senility had set in, but then the proverbial light-bulb flashed on above my head:
Several times in my life I’ve participated in programs that have a specified time span and a population that passes through in waves. In each instance, be it military duty, educational programs or missionary service I’ve encountered the same phenomenon:
- Starting out I hardly knew a soul.
- When I got to the middle I could connect a name with a face to everyone in the group
- As the end came near I was back knowing very few people.
It’s turned out to be true of life in general: As child my circle consisted of just family and a few friends but during mid-life at the peak of my career I met and interacted with (ultimately) thousands…but as I am entering my “senior phase” I’m back to a fairly small circle.
…a circle that is getting smaller with each day. I think that trend is part of the reason the eulogies/memorials I’ve written have had so many readers: it taps on basic – almost primal – emotion. I’ve been blessed with some marvelous experiences in life and I’ve done just about everything except get rich, preferring to count my riches in terms of friends rather than dollars. When I write these memorial pieces I’m not just observing a passing – I’m mourning the loss of my true wealth.